A/C Professor Henry “Indiana” Jones Jr.

Indiana Jones chega em casa após alguns dias caçando relíquias e enfrentando nazistas ao redor do planeta. No chão de sua residência, uma carta informando que ele não poderá continuar como professor do Departamento de Antropologia do Marshall College.

Coisa da Mcsweeney’s.

January 22, 1939

Assistant Professor Henry “Indiana” Jones Jr.

Department of Anthropology

Chapman Hall 227B

Marshall College

Dr. Jones:

As chairman of the Committee on Promotion and Tenure, I regret to inform you that your recent application for tenure has been denied by a vote of 6 to 1. Following past policies and procedures, proceedings from the committee’s deliberations that were pertinent to our decision have been summarized below according to the assessment criteria.

Demonstrates suitable experience and expertise in chosen field:

The committee concurred that Dr. Jones does seem to possess a nearly superhuman breadth of linguistic knowledge and an uncanny familiarity with the history and material culture of the occult. However, his understanding and practice of archaeology gave the committee the greatest cause for alarm. Criticisms of Dr. Jones ranged from “possessing a perceptible methodological deficiency” to “practicing archaeology with a complete lack of, disregard for, and colossal ignorance of current methodology, theory, and ethics” to “unabashed grave-robbing.” Given such appraisals, perhaps it isn’t surprising to learn that several Central and South American countries recently assembled to enact legislation aimed at permanently prohibiting his entry.

Moreover, no one on the committee can identify who or what instilled Dr. Jones with the belief that an archaeologist’s tool kit should consist solely of a bullwhip and a revolver.

E continua por lá.

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